I'm officially 26 weeks pregnant. Just two weeks until my third and final trimester! Whooo hooooo!!! It's not that I don't enjoy being pregnant, but I am just so excited to meet my baby girl.
I have felt very fortunate because thus far my pregnancy has been very straightforward and simple. Other than some typical symptoms like nausea, I have been extremely lucky with how "easy" my pregnancy has been (fingers crossed it continues that way!). That being said, pregnancy comes with hefty baggage that can be tough to sort through. I feel like often it's been harder on my mind than my body.
The stream of thoughts I once had about being a mother now runs like the Mississippi River through my brain. I think this all comes with getting closer to birth, and the reality we will be parents at the end of the summer. This is SO exciting but also terrifying. There is still so much unknown that lurks in the shadows and you never truly know how things are going to play out until you are living them, so it's just a waiting game. I know that we will figure it out and that it will be fine but there is still so much to consider. Mostly I just try not to worry as worrying is such a pointless act, and I try to remember that every new mother probably has these feelings to some degree.
Something else I am really struggling with during the pregnancy is unsolicited advice. There is something about being pregnant that everyone seems to think that it is their job to educate you on your pregnancy. I think what bothers me the most about this is that 75% of the time it's something negative.
"Breast feeding is so hard and it hurts," "Your hips will never be the same," "Say goodbye to normal sleep habits," "You have to get drugs [during birth], it's way worse than you think," "Your body will never be the same again..."
And these are just a few of the statements! I want to point out two major items here.
1) How are these comments helping? Are they uplifting in any way? The answers: they aren't and no. Which is why it's so hard to be gracious when dealing with comments like this. Grace...That's what I've tried to extend in these conversations... tried and failed many times. I know the polite thing would be to just smile and nod and move on from what they say, but most often I feel this argumentative fire light up inside me. I just want them to understand how these comments might make any pregnant woman feel. They aren't even informative comments really because... (and this brings me nicely to point #2)
2) Everyone's pregnancies are different. Just because you had a hard time with something, doesn't mean I will, and vise versa! Generally speaking, there can be no over-arching statements when it comes to pregnancy because everyone's journey is unique. That is why when it comes to pregnancy, there is no official guide book (by the way, how much easier would that be?!?!?). A very wide spectrum of techniques and practices have worked across the board for different women. As a coach, this resonates deeply with me because it's a lot like an individual's nutrition. What works well for one person, may totally bomb someone else out so it's about knowing the individual and working closely with them to find their specific diet that is great for them. There is no one diet that is perfect for everyone because we are ALL DIFFERENT!
I have had many conversations with moms where they tell me about their struggles and that's fine! Not only because we are talking about it so it's in context and not unsolicited, but because they aren't projecting what happened to them onto me, they are just sharing their story.
The other thing I have really struggled with is people treating me like I'm fragile. I'm pregnant, not made of glass. I have had many people comment on my workout posts telling me that I'm doing too much, lifting too heavy, hurting the baby, etc... What most of these people don't know is that I have dialed it back quite a bit, so for me, the intensity at which I am working, is appropriate and healthy. Would I recommend just anyone doing the workouts that I do? Absolutely not! Not saying that I'm superwoman or something, but I have been working out at a very intense and high level for many years - something that (pregnant or not) I would not throw a novice into.
That one comment, "Are you sure that's good for the baby?", is like a dagger to the heart. Of course I only want what is best for my baby and I'm doing my best by her. Eating healthy, working out, staying mobile, educating myself... these are all things that I view as helping the future of my child, not detrimental to it. My hubs made the mistake of making the comment to me once. I was drinking kombucha (which is controversial to some people) and he asked me if it was good for the baby, and instead of being gracious I sarcastically replied, "No, it's terrible for her." He apologized as he realized that of course I would not knowingly do something that would hurt the baby.
I cannot speak for every single pregnant woman out there, but on the whole, we are just doing the best with what we have. During pregnancy, each woman needs to find her own path and journey and not be shamed for her decisions. Instead of bringing down judgment on her, we need to lift each other up and encourage one another. Allowing each person to find their way as they are on this life changing journey. There is plenty of judgment that each mother places on herself without the rest of the population piling on. The fears that you are making mistakes, or feeling guilty about not loving being pregnant; there is a lot that happens during pregnancy and what we need is for people to just show love and support. We are navigating this journey the only way we know how, THROUGH IT.
[STEPS OFF SOAP BOX]
How did I get up there? This post ended up taking a turn that I wasn't expecting, but in light of keeping it real, I am going to post it. I feel like I focused a little bit on negative things, which normally I wouldn't create space for, but sometimes honesty isn't light and pretty. If you have questions about anything I wrote, shoot me message, I would love to hear from you!
Next week I will be talking specifically about pregnancy and working out! YAY! Have a great week you guys and I'll talk to you soon!