So, truth time you guys: I'm struggling a little bit. Not a lot, just a little. I recently moved out to Yucca Valley which I actually like quite a bit. We bought a house that's on about three-quarters of an acre and it is on the outskirts of town. The house is smaller but newly upgraded and it really feels like home. It is relaxing and so quiet. We are going to get chickens soon which I am REALLY excited about. The dogs love it here and since having big guard dogs seems to be a thing here, ours fit right in instead of getting scared looks from the neighbors. The drawbacks are more of what's available in town, but really we have everything we need and if we want to have a nice dinner out then it's just a short drive to Palm Springs.
I love the slower pace of life and how simple things are here. I feel like a lot of the noise has been removed from my life, both physical and metaphorical, but there's something else missing too. I don't think it was until I voiced it to my BFF who came to visit me this last weekend that I even knew what was up.
"I don't feel like I bring value," I said.
And then last night I said to my hubby, "Sometimes I feel invisible."
To which he thought I meant I felt invisible to him, which isn't the case at all. I feel seen and heard by him everyday. I really could not ask for a more supportive husband through all these transitions we have been going through.
So I started talking it out with him. This is the first time since I was 16 years old that I haven't been working, so while I know what I do around the house IS valuable, I am not monetarily contributing to our household. But after thinking about that for a little bit, I realized that even if I was working part time at some job here, I think I would still feel this way.
The value that I am talking about is not monetarily based. It is the value that I find in how I spend my time. Back in Dana Point I was extremely lucky to be a part of the BEST CrossFit community and I loved getting to spend time there. As a member I felt like I was becoming a better version of myself, and as a Coach I felt like I was helping others achieve that as well. I also had several private personal training clients that trusted me with more than just their fitness and being a part of their lives was something else that I valued tremendously.
But now I am here, and I find myself in this weird limbo period where I don't really know what to do with my time. I thought that I would just throw myself into my training but instead, I make excuses and put it off and end up doing short workouts or skipping it altogether.
Bringing value, or feeling valuable, can also be translated directly as feeling fulfilled. As humans we seek fulfillment (which normally leads to happiness), and what fulfills us, is also what we see as valuable. You wouldn't spend your day doing meaningless objectives and then feel fulfilled after all of it. No, you are working towards something that you see as valuable. Whether it's a degree, a work project, your own knowledge or growth, your relationships... you spend time putting effort into things that you feel are valuable and therein are seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Part of me wanted to wallow a little bit. Sometimes feeling sorry for yourself feels good. But my hubby wasn't having it (which I am so thankful for!). So after some thought last night, when I woke up this morning, I felt reinvigorated, excited even, about how I was going to change so that I felt value in my life again. For me, connecting with people and helping them is a big part of that and I am excited to explore avenues in which I can do that again.
Do you ever struggle with feeling valuable? I think it can happen easier than we think, especially in this grind-type lifestyle that we all somehow think will bring us what we want. If you are having trouble, I encourage you to take a breather, maybe grab some paper or a journal and then do this:
Start with taking a few deep breaths. This will help clear your mind and bring you more in connection with yourself. If you can, try and make your exhales about twice as long as your inhales. So if you are inhaling for a count of 4, try to make your exhale for a count of 8. Do this for about a minute or so.
Then close your eyes (or if that feels weird to you then don't, the point is just to limit distraction)
and think about a time when you felt really fulfilled... not just happy... but you felt full and like what you did mattered. Write down WHY it mattered to you. What was it about that experience that stuck out to you as meaningful. Do this a few times and see if there are correlations (I bet there will be!).
Once you have written down on paper why these things matter to you, think about how you can bring that into your life on a more regular basis (preferably daily!). There is no reason why you can't pour into what brings you joy on a daily basis! If you tell yourself you can't, you are just making excuses to stay stuck in the place where you are at.
I know so many people who do not love their jobs, but say to me, "I have no choice. I have to do this."
Really? Does your company hold you at gunpoint everyday and say you better come back here or else? I'm pretty sure that it IS your choice. Now, you might feel stuck... you might feel like you have to stay there to live the life that you want to live... but you need to recognize then, that it is still YOUR choice.
Being fulfilled and feeling like you bring value is so important on a basic human needs level. It is literally the gas that gives us the urge to get out of bed every day. So what is yours? If you know it, embrace it, grow it, and nurture it. If you aren't quite sure, take some time for yourself and figure it out. It might be ever evolving, in fact to some degree, it will be, but you have to start somewhere.
I know there are some of you reading this, shaking your heads, and saying, "You don't know my situation." And that's fine. You're right, I don't. But what I do know, is that even if it's a small change, it is a step in the right direction.
Do SOMETHING today that bring value. That makes you smile. That brings fulfillment. What will it be? I'm excited to find out. Comment what you will do today that makes your heart happy.