So I love reading. Being a huge nerd, for some reason I never gravitated toward reading non-fiction (except for text books...yep super nerd) so this year one of my goals was to read 12 non-fiction books. One of the books that I've read is called The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. I am a deep thinker (some might say over-thinker whatevssss) and I feel like I try to challenge myself to grow and be better, but this book BLEW. ME. AWAY. I found myself agreeing emphatically out loud to my empty apartment (besides my dog who was less impressed) and when I finished the book I immediately looked up the author's other books because this guy's perspective is so dead on.
Today I specifically want to delve into this paragraph:
"Certain things in life will cut you open like a knife. When that happens - at that exposing moment - the world gets a glimpse of what's truly inside you. So what will be revealed when you're sliced open by tension and pressure? Iron? Or air? Or bullshit?"
No, it's ok. Take your time. Read it a few times and then continue... seriously... read it again. I have this highlighted in the book, as well as took a picture of it and I think I have read it at least once every day since the first day that I read it. What Holiday does here is very acutely cut to the quick of the age old question, "Do I have what it takes?"
It's easy to feel confident when things are going your way... but what happens to your resolve when things start to fall apart? What happens when you lose your job? Or you get injured? Or a family member falls ill? God willing, these things won't happen, but what if they do? Are you mentally prepared to handle the adversity that will undoubtedly come against you in your lifetime?
This is why "knowing your why" is crucial in your life. Why you choose to live the way you do. Why you make the choices you make. Why your priorities are what they are. If there is nothing to back these up, when you are sliced open... it will not be iron that people see. I hate to say it, but you will most likely succumb to the pressure because you won't have a REASON to fight. The superfluous reasons will almost immediately wane upon the difficulty you face, not providing you with the fortitude necessary. Only a TRUE knowledge of why this goal is important to you will sustain you amidst turbulence, and allow you the strength to carry on.
Another significant piece to this puzzle is your perspective. It is important to remember that how your life plays out is only about 10% what actually happens to you, and the rest is how you choose to deal with it...
Can we pause on that for a quick second?
10% you guys...
Think about how much better our lives would be if we learned how to alter our perspectives and exert our energy into the areas that we CAN control, versus the ones we cannot. Often when bad things happen we immediately start to rack up the excuses or play the blame game, shirking any kind of real action we could take. If you are truly unhappy with something in your life, stop playing the victim and take the action that is in your power to do so.
I'm not saying that when bad things happen I don't want you to feel upset, or to cry, or be mad. Have your moment. Depending on how bad the situation is, I allow myself a maximum of a 24-hour pity party and then I move on. Not necessarily away from the problem, that's not always an option. But I don't just wallow in it. I accept the obstacle for what it is, and begin thinking of the best ways to handle it. You cannot control external factors, but you are always in control of yourself and what you can do.
I feel like examples are king so let's say that you are up for a promotion at work, and instead of getting it, they give it to your sub-par coworker. What is your knee jerk response?
That's not fair! They don't deserve it, I do. They just gave it to them because they are friends. I do ten times the work that person does, how could management not see that?
You know what, we've heard it since we were kids so I'll say it again for you... LIFE. ISN'T. FAIR. It sucks, but it's true. Maybe you did deserve the promotion (or maybe you didn't and this is a good wake up call?), but instead of being pissed off about it USE this opportunity to grow.
Set up a meeting with your boss to discuss why you weren't selected. Analyze the work that you do to see where you can improve and do things better. Or maybe your company truly undervalues you, so maybe it's time to start looking for a different job. There are plenty of action items within your control to better yourself and to move past the situation.
I feel like we do this even in the gym. We don't hit a lift we wanted and we immediately blame our sleep, or our nutrition, or maybe the coaching or the workout itself. And it's not to say that those things are never factors, but control what you can and don't waste effort on the things that you cannot. You want to perform better in the gym? Eat right, recover well, train hard. Take responsibility for your growth, rather than making excuses as to why to can't.
Holding tightly to your why, and adjusting your perspective, will give you the tools you need to tackle almost every problem you will face. Call it what you want - fortitude, resolve, grit, heart, strength... we all need it and have the power to make it part of the fabric of our being.
CHOOSE what you are made of so that when the time comes you can prove to the world, and more importantly, to yourself, that air and bullshit are nowhere to be found.