Reaching Goals Part III: Understanding Confidence

So if you haven't read Part I or Part II of this series yet, maybe take a few minutes and go back and read those first. I mean, this will still make sense, but will make SO MUCH more sense if read in whole.

I'm gonna be honest. Confidence is something that I struggle with so writing about it is a little bit foreign, and there is a small part of me that thinks I have no business writing about it at all. However, I also know that confidence is a huge factor in reaching your goals so in order to finish my series, I have to write about it. So, here goes.

Confidence is, by definition, "full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing". In reading that definition, I hope that it is easy to see how having confidence, or full trust, in yourself is pertinent to reaching your goals...but maybe not so I'll elaborate.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Knowing and loving yourself is the key to not only unlocking your own potential, but it is also how you genuinely connect and care for others. It is in knowing yourself that you can fully believe in yourself.

Think about it. When you first meet someone, you may not share much with that person, because you don't know who they are and what they might do with the information that you give them. But as the relationship forms, a trust is formed and the more you feel you can share with them. You begin to believe in them and the relationship that you are forging, and confidence in that person is generated. The relationship with yourself is much the same. The more you know yourself, the more you can trust yourself, and the more you can push yourself.

In my opinion and experience, consistency is the most pertinent element in developing this trust in yourself. Consistency can be (and should be!) used for any kind of goal that we are trying to reach and has shown to yield long-lasting results. The good news here is that the LONGER you remain consistent, the MORE long-lasting and impressive those results are (i.e. blowing goals out of the water).

Let's take a long-term goal of lowering body fat percentage. Since we all know that you can't out train a bad diet (seriously- you can't) you make a goal eating strict paleo for 30 days (just an example- not necessarily saying paleo is the best or appropriate for everyone). You remain consistent with this plan, and at the end of 30 days have dropped 7% body fat. You still have about 5% to go so you decide to stick with it (some might say, you decide to remain CONSISTENT) for another 30 days and sure enough you drop another 4%. At this point, you have been very diligent in fueling your body properly to reach your goal. The longer you stick with it, not only does it become easier to remain consistent (as you adopt this new habit as more of a lifestyle), but you also find yourself right at the brink of your goal. Remaining steadfast for these months also helps ensure that you won't necessarily drop back into old habits because these new habits have now been formed.

I'm not saying it's going to be all sunshine and rainbows and that you aren't going to want that cookie or french fry and it's going to be easy as pie (Mmmmm pie), but the more consistent you are, the more confidence you build in yourself that you can say no to those temptations. Like the first time you turn down those donuts in the break room, it might literally break your heart, but you'll find that the next time, maybe it's not quite as bad, and then the time after that, just that much easier.

For clarity's sake, let's look at a strength goal as well(and just because I LOVE talking about building strength). Let's say that you have a goal of hitting a 200 pound clean (I know that's LIGHT for some of you but since I'm the author, I get to pick the weight) but your current max is 140 pounds. So you aren't just going to walk into the gym one day, throw 180 on the bar and hit it. It's going to take time and CONSISTENCY to build that strength in order to increase that max weight. As you spend more time under more weight you gain more confidence in yourself in what you can do.

When there is only 95 pounds loaded on the bar, how confident do you feel that you'll be able to clean it? Probably 100% if your max is 140. That's because over time you have gained confidence in the weight that you can lift, and most of the time, once you have hit a certain weight, hitting it again for a second time is not as challenging because mentally you KNOW you can do it.

I think it's very often that we shy away from making big goals because we fear that we will never actually make it there. But breaking that goal down into manageable steps, allows us to gain trust and momentum in ourselves that will put us on a path of success. There might be drawbacks sure, but if you can trust yourself, and know that you are putting your best effort into achieving the goal, where is the harm or disgrace in that?

That is the confidence you need to reach your goals. It is a relationship within yourself and an understanding of your abilities. That coupled along with learning how to push yourself and grow with the use of being consistent is in fact how you reach your goals.

So what's been on your mind? What is that dream that haunts you that you keep burying deep? Embrace the fear you feel when these thoughts enter your brain, and plan your attack. There is a reason why this goal is important to you, and the only person standing in your way, is you.

Get out of your own way.